Seduction Teachings

There’s a number of ways to get yourself into the right state. And a number of exercises that work well for different types of people. Try these ones on for size – and make a fool of yourself to prove that’s a good way to be too.

Knockin’ it up a Notch

Ok guys, you’ve GOT the basics down now. You are ready.

Time for some more advanced material.

Let’s say you’re still having nerves with your approach. Let’s take a look at a simple exercise to add to your relaxation exercise, which will help push you into playfulness.

The Playful Positive Placer

1. Relax, take a deep breath, and close your eyes.

2. Do your relaxation exercise.

3. Allow yourself to think all the useless negative thoughts that often pop up and sabotage you. Things like “Am I wearing the right clothes? Will she like me? When should I touch her?” etc.

4. Type the words out in your mind. Create a box around them. Put all your negative feelings inside that box. Go wild here.

5. Start shrinking the box as you push it further and further into the distance, until it is just a speck.

6. Erase it. All that should be left is a calm happy state.

7. Now, think all the RIGHT thoughts and the RIGHT questions. “How much fun can I have tonight? What will I find intriguing about the women I’m with? What interesting things might happen?”

8. Type the words out in your mind. Expand them until there is no blank space left, just boundless words and the positive feelings they engender.

9. Dissolve the words into your blank state, allowing that positivity and playfulness to soak into your very being.

10. Count from one to five, saying to yourself “I’m going to count from one to five, and when I finish I will feel much better than I ever have before. 1… 2… 3… 4… 5.”

11. Open your eyes.

Doesn’t that feel good? Try to do this exercise every time you go out to meet women. Once you’ve gotten yourself skilled at it, establish a trigger just like with your relaxation exercise. You won’t have to do the whole exercise each time once that trigger is anchored – and you’ll be able to call on it at the drop of a hat.

That’s huge because, no matter how smooth you are, there’s going to be moments you get stuck, or stumped, or knocked out of your game for whatever reason. If you have an established playful trigger, instead of losing your cool, you’ll be the chill super-stud by stopping, triggering, and handling a difficult situation magnificently.

Along with this exercise, you can use the Playfulness Amplifier Exercise. This is more related to fixing past negative experiences into positive ones, like we did in the last section. Before you start, pick a code word – anything is fine. Mine at one point was poindexter. Here’s how it goes.

The Playfulness Amplifier Exercise

1. Relax, take a deep breath, and close your eyes.

2. Think about a time in your past when you felt playful. Lots of people choose warm childhood memories here, but any experience that you can filter down to pure fun relaxed playfulness.

3. Notice everything you see and hear and how you feel. Take in as much detail as possible.

4. Once you are completely in the playful moment, say your code word out loud to yourself.

5. Open your eyes.

6. Close your eyes.

7. Choose a moment from your past when you should have been more playful with a woman. Again, recall as much detail as possible.

8. Say your code word within this reality, and notice the changes to that world.

9. Open your eyes.

10. Close your eyes.

11. Imagine a time in the future when you need to be more playful with a woman you are chatting to.

12. Say your code word. Again, observe the changes in your feelings.

13. Count from one to five, saying to yourself “I’m going to count from one to five, and when I finish I will feel much better than I ever have before. 1… 2… 3… 4… 5.”

14. Open your eyes.

If it feels like I’m overloading you with exercises that are covering the same ground, that’s because I am. Different people react to different things – some people are visual, some lingual, some emotional. And most of us react best to different ways of communication for different messages.

So I’m specifically giving you a bunch of exercises that overlap each other, so you can see which ones work best for you. Don’t get frustrated thinking you’re going to have to spend the rest of your time in meditating preparation.

All I ask is you give each exercise a real try, and as you get to know them, you’ll pick out favorites to use often. The rest you can do later, after you’ve perfected triggers and code words to let you get results without entering a semi-trance each time.

That said, I’ve got something completely active I want you to try. Before you go out and do this, you should get your frame right (choose a favorite exercise) and pick a place where you can meet lots of women.

The Crazy Playful Walk-up Exercise

1. Pick out a woman.

2. Say sincerely and playfully “Hi, maybe you can help me… I’m lost… can you tell me how to get to (name the city you’re in).

3. This should make her laugh or cause confusion for a moment. WHATEVER she does, stay sincere and playful. YOU decide how to take the conversation next based on HER reactions.

4. If you feel an awkwardness, you can always bail with “Well, it was nice meeting you.” and walk away.

Do this to at least 100 women in the next month.

What? Why?

Silly, right? Stupid, right? WHY, again, am I making you do this?

The reasons are twofold: one, if you can do this and stay PLAYFUL and RELAXED, you’re never going to have trouble approaching women ever again. Ever. Really.

Two, you’re going to be surprised how often this stupid silly thing actually WORKS at getting digits and dates. It’s gonna prove to you that it really doesn’t matter what you say, but HOW you say it.

You’re REALLY going to get it now, buddy.

Derek Vitalio

Check out Derek Vitalio material:

 
• Derek Vitalio Seduction Newsletter
• Get The Girlfriend
• Blissnosis Master Program
• Seduction Archetypes
• Seduction Science, 3rd Edition
• Seduction Science eBook
• Deep Inner Game Series

I’m going to talk to you about a very common problem a lot of guys have today.

Did you know that a great many people learn bad behaviors and develop bad beliefs as a result of their experiences growing up?

In this particular circumstance, I am referring to behaviors and beliefs that involve social interaction with women, and our own self-esteem.

Most of these beliefs and behaviors are unconsciously learned by us and work counter to our goals of success. Things like:

• I’m too old, ugly, or fat, no girl would want me
• I get too nervous to talk to women
• I’m afraid of rejection
• Whenever I talk to a girl, I say dumb things
• I don’t know what to do to get a woman into bed

The list goes on. But all of the above are beliefs or behaviors that HINDER us from getting what we want.

In order to have success, we must change how we behave and think to a more positive direction.

But how are we supposed to do that? It’s easy to SAY you have to change, but to actually do it is FAR more difficult.

But it can be done.

A while back, I used to be PETRIFIED to approach a woman I didn’t know for the purpose of getting her phone number for a date.

Ask any of my friends, they’ll tell you — I was a wreck!

I’d do anything to keep from approaching a girl. But eventually, I was able to break through that barrier and readjust my behavior so that it became FUN and EASY to meet women.

In my book, The Art of Approaching, I lay out a “bootcamp” plan to help train men to overcome their fear of approaching women (because let’s face it guys, if you don’t approach a woman, they’re never going to talk to you. That’s the sad truth).

This bootcamp was specifically designed to help you retrain yourself to go from being scared of approaching women, to being able to do it whenever you want. But when you retrain yourself, you can’t just learn new behaviors and expect to change.

You have to UNLEARN what you had learned before.

But how do you unlearn a behavior? Aren’t those things ingrained in your being? The answer to that is a big, fat…

NO!!!

Behaviors are just learned responses to certain stimuli. If you’re afraid to meet beautiful women, sometime in your life, you LEARNED to associate fear with talking to a beautiful woman.

One way you can change your behavior is by adopting “Reciprocal Behaviors.”

Reciprocal behaviors are reactions that compete with each other. If a reciprocal reaction can be evoked in a situation that usually elicits a different response, the old reaction can be weakened. Learning occurs as the new response grows stronger and the old response grows weaker.

For example: Relaxation is reciprocal to anxiety, assertiveness is reciprocal to shyness, and positive thoughts are contradictory to negative thoughts.

These reciprocal reactions will weaken their less desirable counterparts only if they can be evoked under conditions that would normally elicit the old reactions.

For instance, let’s say you go out and buy an eBook or course on how to improve your love life. You may read and approve of the book while continuing to behave as you always have, with no real change taking place.

A course or a book contains alternative sets of reactions. If these reactions are not practiced in contexts where they can compete with already established reactions, those established reactions will NOT be displaced.

In other words: The real life application of what has been learned will be lacking!

If you really want to change, you have to go out INTO the field and apply the behaviors that you want to instill within you. To do this, you must engage in situations where the old feelings and behaviors spring up.

Change is a step process. You must first figure out what situation evokes what negative behavior or feeling, then expose yourself to varying degrees of that situation until you feel completely comfortable with it.

Then, advance to the next level until it, too, has been mastered and, finally, to the situation that would normally evoke the most powerful negative response.

For instance, let’s say you can’t ask a woman for her phone number because you’re just too scared. What you can do is start by simply making eye contact with women you find attractive. After you’re comfortable with that, make eye contact and smile. After that, make eye contact, smile, and say “Hi.” After that, ask them what their name is. After that, add in an opener you memorized. Keep adding in behaviors until you master being able to get her phone number.

The systematic aspect of his desensitization technique is critical to your success.

Sink-or-swim methods like “throwing you into the flames” that most people abide by can be less successful and much more stressful. Moreover, sink-or-swim methods may make the symptoms worse by re-enforcing your negative beliefs.

However, it is not always practical for someone to be desensitized by confronting real situations.

Real-life hierarchies can be inconvenient to arrange and difficult to control. Fortunately, it is not always necessary for you to confront real situations in order to change your behavior in these situations.

If you have a vivid imagination and respond to images of a situation in the same way you respond to the situation itself, it’s possible for you to re-educate yourself at home or in the office.

It is still important, though, that you not imagine situations that are too intense! To do so would risk eliciting and reinforcing the old reactions instead of practicing the new ones.

Instead, a hierarchy of imaginary situations must be developed so that the you can effectively evoke the beneficial reactions at each level. So in the example above, you imagine making eye contact with ten women with positive responses, then imagine making eye contact and smiling, etc.

What these exercises do is level the playing field. They give you Tabula Rasa (Latin for “blank slate”) from which you can create your own behavior and responses.

It’s a long, hard task to undertake, but if you can do it, it can be very rewarding.

If you know you need to change, but aren’t quite sure how to go about doing it, start by checking out my ebook The Art of Approaching. I went through the exact same thing you’re going through, and I share all my experiences in my book. If you can imagine what it would be like to completely drop every bad behavior you have that’s holding you back, and retrain yourself so that you only experience one amazing success with women after another, then you should definitely check out my ebook right now by clicking below:

Click Here To Start Meeting Beautiful Women Right Now!

If I could do it, so can you!

Wishing you success with women,

Joseph Matthews

You know, I really enjoy getting email from my customers. Some of them have truly inspiring stories of success that make me feel really good that I could be a part of it.

However, occasionally, I do get a few emails from people who just aren’t up to the task of getting their life in order.

Recently, I got an email from a guy who had bought my Art of Approaching book which I found quite disappointing, and I want to share it with you all.

An Email From A Man In Crisis

Hi Joe,

I can’t do this. Its too hard. I know every woman is going to point and laugh at me. I think I’ll renounce chatting up women and become a monk instead maybe it ll be easier walking up to sexy nuns. Thank you for your help

–A Beaten Man

My Response:

I want you to read those words above carefully.

These are the words of a man who’s admitted defeat. They’re the words of a man who has given up. To him, his efforts were met with failure, and he’d rather quit completely than deal with failure again.

This kind of email saddens me. It truly does.

I wrote The Art of Approaching because I want to help others as I help myself. And when I see guys give up like this, I can’t help but feel bad for them.

But my feelings don’t stop with pity. They stop with anger.

Anger that there are people out there who have lost the will to fight for what they want. Anger that that people have accepted loss and hopelessness as a way of life.

Most men don’t want to fight for what they believe in. It’s too hard, and they’re conditioned to losing. It’s been beaten into them that there is no hope of winning, so they might as well give up.

I don’t believe that.

I believe in winning, and my goal in my writings is to remind guys guys like these what kind of power they still have. That it IS possible to win.

That Failure not only isn’t an option, it doesn’t exist at all.

There are certain things in this world that we see as real, but don’t really exist. For instance, thoughts. Thoughts don’t really exist. We can’t hold them in our hands and play with them. Feelings are the same way, as are abstract concepts like “right and wrong” or “good and evil.” None of this stuff is solid, or tangible. It’s all created in your mind.

Failure is the same thing.

When you fail, you percieve the outcome of an action as something different than what you desired, and the feeling that is evoked from that outcome is one of pain and loss. When these feelings of pain and loss cause you give up ever trying to get that desired outcome again, that is what’s called “failure.”

There’s a finality to the word “failure.” As if, when it happens, that’s it. Game over. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200. You have no hope of achieving what you set out to do.

But the thing is, you can ALWAYS achieve what you set out to do. Maybe not right away, but later on.

The key to success is PERSERVERENCE. As long as that is in place, failure does not exist, merely setbacks.

If an army gave up after one defeat, there would be no war. There would only be “battles” and “skirmishes.” You have to look at achievement of your goals as more than just individual accomplishments or failures. There’s a bigger picture you have to be aware of.

What’s your goal?

If it’s to find a beautiful woman and marry her and raise a family together, then getting rejected after approaching one woman you’re attracted to does not mean that goal is beyond your reach.

In the first century BC, there was a king by the name of Mithridates Eupator VI, who was considered one of Rome’s greatest enemies. He successfully defended his kingdom against the Romans for fourty years, in an unending war. Each time Rome declared victory, Mithridates considered it merely a strategic retreat, and soon came roaring back with a more powerful army than before.

Every time Mithridates was served with a loss, he did not declare “Failure” and pack up. He looked at what happened, what he did wrong, and learned from it, not to make the same mistake again. He had a goal: To protect his kingdom from the Roman invaders, and nothing was going to stop him from doing so.

You need to have the mentality of Mithridates when it comes to getting women. You can’t look at little rejections and setbacks as failures. Rather, they’re learning experiences. Failure must cease to exist in your reality. There is only victory, and learning experiences.

When you achieve this, you will never lose your will to fight, and you will have tasted for the first time what it’s like to win.

In my book, The Art of Approaching, I go through specific strategies to help men overcome their fears of failure and rejection. I give step-by-step instructions on what you need to do to wipe out any sense of failure from your love life, so that anyone, even the poor guy who wrote in above, can turn their lives around! Check out my book by clicking below:

Click Here To Start Meeting Beautiful Women Right Now!

You’ll see just how easy it can be to never fail again.

Wishing you success with women,

Joseph Matthews

QUESTION FROM A READER:

Dear Joseph,

Greetings and best wishes to you this day. Thank you for your advice. Please I need your assistance because I know I have a problem to get a woman of my choice.

I have money and I dress fine, but any woman that comes to me will hate me, I don’t know if it is because I don’t chat with them because I dont know how to chat with a woman.

Please help me with some advice because I have been trying make any woman that comes to me happy by giving them anything they requested from me but I still found out that they don’t love me.

Furthermore, I have a woman who promises me that she will not cheat on me because I care for her alot but she will never ask me to have sex with her unless I request it, but if I didn`t request it, she might stay up to a month without having sex with me, please I need your advice if this is real love and she does`t cheat on me.

Dear Joseph, please advise me on what to do because I am shy even to my fellow men because I don’t feel confortable meeting woman and men so I also stay alone.

Please, I need your advice.

Finally, I am in Abidjan Cote d`ivoire west Africa and I have been to several book shop to buy the book (THE ART OF APPROACHING) but I cannot see the book at book store.

Thanks
Amarachukwu

MY RESPONSE:

Hi Amarachukwu,

First off, don’t look at these women as “hating” you. Just look at them as women who haven’t gotten to know you yet. When faced with a choice of looking at something as a negative, always try to reframe it in your mind as a positive. That is an essential trick to keeping your self esteem high.

What it sounds like you’re doing (and I know English isn’t your native language, so forgive me if I misinterperet) is trying to buy your way into a woman’s pants, and allowing yourself to be taken advantage of because you want to get a girlfriend.

This is actually VERY typical situation among men, so don’t feel bad. You’re not alone. Even I have fallen into this trap in the past. Just remember this one key point when it comes to women:

Only give them what they want, if you’re getting what YOU want!

It took me a while to figure this one out, but it’s a very important concept once you grasp it. If you want a certain girl to be your girlfriend, only invest in her what she’s willing to give back.

For instance, if she wants a fur coat, but she isn’t willing to kiss you yet — DON’T BUY HER A FUR COAT! And tell her “Oh man, if you were my girlfriend, I’d buy you that coat right now.” Let her know the “cost of doing business,” so to speak.

See, girls get really used to getting something for nothing (especially if they’re beautiful). And guys get in the habit of getting nothing for everything. You must BREAK that habit if you want to succeed with women. Believe it or not, women respect men who don’t bow down to their every whim! If you show them you’re not treating them like a queen, they’ll treat you like a king.

I always like to follow these rules when it comes to dating:

• Never spend any money on a woman you’re not sleeping with.
• Never spend more than $60 on a date.
• If after 3 dates, nothing is happening, it’s time to move on (3 strikes, and she’s OUT!)

These three simple rules will save you a TON of time and money when you’re in the dating scene.

As for women promising not to cheat, don’t get hung up on that. Most women will cheat on you, that’s just how it is. But instead of getting them to “promise” not to cheat on you (because when you do that, you’re displaying insecurity and lowering you’re value by “begging”), you need to TELL the woman you’re with what you’re not willing to put up with.

Tell her flat out: If you ever cheat on me, you’re gone.

Let her know you want a woman who will be faithful, and if she’s not willing to do that, you’ll dump her and find another woman.

This way of thinking can be VERY powerful.

You’re letting her know you don’t need her, and that she has to do what YOU want if she wants the benefits of being with you!

And if she doesn’t, despite what you may believe — that’s a good thing! Let her go, because it will save you a TON of time, money, and heartache in the long run. Why would you want to be with a woman who’s unfaithful to you? Just set the boundaries, and stick to them.

As for the Art Of Approaching, you won’t find it in any bookstore anywhere. It’s exclusively available online! A book this helpful to men would NEVER be published and sold in real bookstores, because society just would not allow it. The Oprahs of the world would condemn it, because it teaches men not only how to meet beautiful women, but how to empower themselves! And the feminists wouldn’t want that now, would they?

After all, who’d buy them all the free stuff that they don’t have to do anything for? =)

If you haven’t downloaded my book yet, what are you waiting for? You can start meeting tons of women today by clicking below:

Click Here To Start Meeting Beautiful Women Right Now!

This book goes into great detail on how to improve your ability to create the life you want for yourself! If you’re unhappy, don’t delay. Download the book right now!

Good luck,

Joseph Matthews